An Open Letter to the Reader That Hated Rabbit in the Road As Much As The Lord of the Flies


You hated my book? THANK YOU!

Dear Annette M.  from San Francisco,

Thank you for taking the time to read my book on Amazon, Rabbit in the Road

I noticed that after you finished reading my book, you left a one-star review that said the following:

“Haven’t hated a book so much since 30 years ago in high school when they made us read “Lord of the Flies”. Terrible book, bad plot, not logical, and I didn’t care about any of the characters. Blach!”

And after that, when another reader raised questions about your review, you said the following:

“So, if I understand you, my overwhelming feeling after finishing the book to punch the authors, needs more explanation? Because it was a terrible book!”

I’m sorry that you did not enjoy your experience with Rabbit in the Road. Not every product can please every customer, and for that I apologize. I noticed that you said you wished that you could get your time back. It pains me to tell you that unfortunately, I do not believe that Amazon provides refunds on time lost.

I am simultaneously humbled and beaming with pride that it took over THIRTY YEARS for someone to make you hate their book so much that you took the time out of your day to come and leave a review, the ONLY review you have ever left on any product, on Amazon. It shows me that you are very passionate about this subject.

The very fact that you are comparing me as an author to Nobel prize-winning William Golding is the most flattering thing that anyone has ever said. Let’s not even begin to mention that you comparing Rabbit in the Road to one of the most challenged books in the 20th century, and widely considered one of the best pieces of literature ever written is like shooting over the moon to me. I can’t thank you enough! It’s not every day that someone compares your book alongside other classics such as The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Flowers for Algernon, The Great Gatsby, To Kill A Mockingbird, and many more. This is like a dream come true!

I see here that you noticed that parts of Rabbit in the Road weren’t logical. You have a very keen eye, you are correct. This is intentional. Rabbit in the Road is about the most common thing that binds all of us together: People and the fucked-up decisions they make that make absolutely no sense. The fact that you noticed such a thing makes you an incredibly astute reader, and I tip my hat to you.

I also observed that you didn’t like any of the characters in the book. Again, very keen eye, you caught that one head-on. None of the people in the book are supposed to be liked! They’re supposed to be real, which means they make crazy decisions and do messed up things, and more often than not a lot of people are generally unlikable.  The fact that you didn’t like any of the characters means that I told this story correctly! Thank you for reaffirming the vision that I set forth when crafting this tale.

One thing that I’m curious about is that you openly express the thought of violence against my co-author and I. Many of the world’s greatest novelists and visionaries have been threatened with physical harm because of their literature, which means to me that we’re right on track to becoming noted individuals in our field!

In closing, I’d like to say thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts with me. If you haven’t picked up your paperback copy yet, you can still do so on Amazon. If you have any intention of taking my book to a bookburning, please let me know, as I would love to get pictures of that to put in my scrapbook of notable memories about my career. It would be amazing to one day tell my children that my book was hated enough to get torched.

I look forward to you hating more of my books in the future.

Sincerely,

~Oliver 

5 comments

  1. Oh my gosh, best thing I’ve read in a long time. Reminds me that I still need to snag a paperback. (Seems I read paperbacks while I forget about my e-collection) Glad I read this. Made my day.

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