It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. Too long. I’ve fallen off the horse, readers. Events conspired to buck me off. I want to say it’s everything else’s fault but mine. I know better.
Life has been really hard lately. I’ve gotten derailed. And now that I’ve been derailed for a little while, it feels too big to start again. This rut is a lot easier to stay in than climb out of.
Ruts are comfortable places, even when they’re filled with suffering. They’re what you know. They are full of the usual, the expected, the normal, and require nothing of you. All you do is keep on… doing, and the rut is there to hold you. Welcome you back. Stick around a while. You don’t have to try and fail, there’s no disappointment, just the confinement and misery of the rut. If it’s all you know, then it’s a perfect fit.
Misery tempts me. I’ve had a pretty miserable time lately, and misery seems like a good fit. I want to be brusque, sour with people I know and love. I want to fuss and humbug and grump. I want to not DO.
I haven’t been writing. I’ve been waiting to feel better, and waiting a long time.
I’m done waiting today. Today I’m DOING. Maybe I’ll still want to grump and be sour. Maybe I won’t do a very good job at it. Maybe every word I put down today will be garbage.
I have faith, though, that even if today is a disaster, tomorrow will be that much easier.
Take that, rut.
Have you ever lost your way? What was the trick, the catalyst for getting back on track? Was there someone who pushed you and helped you through? Did you push yourself? How did you turn from just existing back to living again? Talk to me in the comments below.